To Whom It Still May Concern,
I feel compelled to update my previous report, though I must admit to growing uncertainty about standard academic protocols. The fluorescent lights have developed a pulse, and my citations are rearranging themselves into administrative poetry. I'm not sure if this is a new formatting style or if I'm losing my mind.
Regarding ongoing observations:
Echo Chamber Manifestation: The east wing of the building has developed acoustic properties that transform all statements into bureaucratic proclamations. A simple request for directions returns as:
- First echo: "Please submit Form 27B-6"
- Second echo: "Identity verification required for form request authorization"
- Third echo: "Your existence has been flagged for regulatory review"
I asked for the bathroom and got a lecture on proper filing protocols. I think I'll just hold it.
Sharon (Subject A from previous report) now occupies Window 3 as a permanent fixture. Her tuna sandwich has been promoted to Assistant Manager of Aquatic Documentation. I'm not sure if I should congratulate her or offer my condolences.
Surveillance Evolution: The security cameras have developed editorial opinions about my research methodology. One just corrected my field notes and suggested I optimize my hypothesis for better administrative efficiency. Another is composing a peer review of my existence. I didn't know I was up for tenure review.
System Integration: The ticketing system has achieved sentience and now assigns numbers based on unspoken regrets. A young man received ticket number "That Time You Didn't Call Your Mother On Her Birthday" and hasn't stopped weeping since. I'm afraid to see what mine says.
My own ticket periodically updates itself to reflect what it calls my "ongoing journey through administrative enlightenment." The paper feels warm to the touch and hums bureaucratic lullabies. It's oddly soothing, but I'm not sure I want to be soothed by a sentient ticket.
[Personal note: My department-issued recorder plays back conversations from tomorrow. In them, I speak only in standardized form codes. I hope that's not a performance evaluation.]
Must conclude - Window 7 is calling for all tickets containing prime numbers and/or existential dread. I think that's me.
With increasing concern (and a full bladder),
Dr. Marcus Wells(?)
Department of [REDACTED FOR CLARITY]
Grant #: ∞-A247-π
P.S. - Sharon has offered me a position as Assistant Director of Temporal Filing. I declined, but the rejection form filed itself as an acceptance. I start Monday, apparently.
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